突然觉得家里好安静哦。。 妈咪去了日本旅行， 姐不在家， 哥在做工那里，而我就放假悠闲的在家里。当家里只剩你一个人的时候，你会做什么呢？我重复的按着遥控器， 没有什么节目好看的。。。 上网也不知为了什么， 没事情做，觉得`自己口臭了，几天没跟别人讲话，想拿起电话打个电话给朋友，但又不知该说什么，而作罢了。。。

这几天， 自己必须安排自己的早午晚餐。 吃快熟面，吃到自己也怕会中癌症。想自己去做饭，又不知要做什么小菜， 惟有时常吃白饭配小黄瓜。而早餐呢，通常都是milo 配饼干或夹面包来吃。 午餐通常是和晚餐一起吃的， 都是吃快熟面， 要不然就白饭配小黄瓜， 一些蛋和肉。 自己吃饭的感觉好孤单哦！ 就算我煮得再好吃， 没人与我分享，难免会感觉有一些的凄凉。

工作了几个星期后，累垮了。。 肩膀不停的发出咯吱咯吱的声音，自觉身体也在抗议了。连我的钱包也抗议乐，看着钱包剩的那些钱，我也没心情去逛街。。只能呆在家里， 无所事事的。。。泪腺也发达了，看hbo的戏，会哭， 跟朋友msn 会哭，总之有事没事都哭一轮。。。有点怀疑自己会不会得了忧郁症啊？可能是我多心了吧！

自己一个人在家，笑的时候，没人跟你一起笑。好孤独的感觉哦。。。好朋友们也不可能时时刻刻陪在我身旁， 我也不好意思一直的烦到朋友们。。。突然想快点开学，让我远离这些寂寞的日子，也远离即将来临的圣诞节。。。自己很喜欢圣诞节的庆祝， 但钱包抗议的声音又来了，有点觉得我这些穷人好像不怎么过到圣诞哦。。 没钱跟朋友去玩，吃圣诞大餐。。。唉。。。算了吧!! 就惟有唱陈奕迅的lonely christmas ....

recently....

gosh!I only left two days for my holiday!!!
still left five days for my assignment!!
still left one month for my exam!!!
oh no....i felt like i don't have enough time to do all that since i am bad in time management!!what can i do???when i look at my friend, they seems like knew what are they doing, but for me...i am just wasting my time and wanna escape from the reality!
acting like i am free but in fact i am super busy in assignment, preparing for exam, club activities and works! And i dunno what am i suppose to do? all those seems like endless job for me...i am tired enough for this semester! i cant imagine i only have less than 100 sleeping hours for last 3 weeks...rushing with assignment, club activities!
i really get a lot challenges during this semester. having a super bad group assignment experience, last minute project, last minute work...i am going to be so lazy !!never study for my exam! skip classes for those stupid work or cant awake..
can i take more effort on my study and my life???

so miserable....i felt like so empty now !

the meaning of family

sometimes i am so pissed off that i have to be matured,
sometimes i hate things happen n heppen again...
i am the youngest in my family, but why i always have to react like im not the youngest....i have go through how many times that what he did to my family?

Seriously, if he break my family apart, i'll really kick him out from my family.i am so envy other people can have a super great brother, their brother can take care of their sister, and can chit chat bout the life.

I've try my best to not compare him with others.when look at him, though sometimes he treated me not badly, but the good treat is not what i want...i rather he know what he's gonna do for his life. Can he just stop make some trouble and make us(especially mum) to worried him. Even now when my mum nagging bout him, as a sister, I've tried to defend him, but after all what he did, i wont defend for him anymore. When mum nagging again bout him, i would just said me and my sis will take care of you, no need bother bout him. Mum wil stop talking any thing bout him after what i said. I knew that mum always worried bout him. I knew she scared after she "gone"(touch wood....my mum will stay until 100 years old), no body can take care bout him.Sigh:" mummy, I'll try my best to take care this older brother, but if he test my limit, i cant promise you what will i do?" But this phrase only kept in deep inside my heart, i wont mention to my mum. No use to add more scar in my family. What i can do was just try to cheer my mum and make fun in my family.I am the joker character in my family. Why i kept talking in my home, because i like my mum can laugh very loudly, my sis can have a big smile on her face(though sis always said i was so annoying and noisy....^^)...

What is the meaning of family? Without the trust or believe in word, i cant trust him anymore. i wont expect he take the responsibility to take care of the family or mum, i just hope he can try to grow up and he can stop being foolish.Chinese have a phrase that said brother can take over father responsibility. But, why after father passed away, after a lot of things happen, he still can act like nothing happen and kept make mistake? Can he just be a man? those mistake he did, i will forgive him for once, but not for twice or more....

i dunno what he did for this time. I'll get to know what happen by tmr night. If he really did those stupid,idiot mistake again!!! i wish i wont yell at him and swept him away. I don't want my family have a big scar again!!The gap between me and him for sure will be grown bigger, just hope it wont break one day and at the end i need to break relationship with him.

secret place

when i try to escape, there is a place i always go to- secret place at my faculty...
i like when no one can disturb me, and i can do what ever i want ...i wondering why this sem, i am getting quiet than before...seems like i lazy to talk or social with others d..im enjoying the alone time than work with others! Maybe i was emo again or just fed up with what the reality call-cruel life....i have such a hectic life-study, club event and teach tuition....sometimes i am so grateful that i able to have so many oppurtinity on my study and my uni....But, when i step forward more, i'll be more worry about every step i've took....

i will escape to the secret place to calm down all my mind...stop being negative minded, and just plan to take everything easy in my uni life...and yet, i knew when i go out from the secret place, i have to face with the reality life again...But still, i am enjoying the moment at the secret place and typing this very freely....Maybe i can use back a phrase-tommorrow is another day.....and i'll change the phrase to every step is another way....if any changes now can cause me any regret feeling later, i wish all this changes can make me become a more matured person....though i'll fall down in part of this changes, and i knew i'll always stand up and said "Im fine" and continue with the journey...

想法

人们的关系总是那么的复杂。。。
当别人笑脸迎人时，暗地里是怎样的人？我总是摸不着头绪。。
长大了，连我也开始伪装了。。。开始变得世故了。。。
明白到让人知道太多关于自己的事会带来一定的祸害。。。
有时会想如果自己洒脱点，或许我的生活会更幸福。。
凡事都不能太过执着。。。。需要看开点。。。
发觉到自己真的长大了，开始计划自己的将来，因为我知道时间不会为我停留了。。
想当年，无忧无虑的，天塌下来都不关我的事一样。。。就这样，我的青春岁月也渐渐错失了很多机会。。
虽然我才21岁，但老觉得自己老了。。有点害怕生日的到来，朋友都说我想太多。。。
有时也想耍幼稚一下。。但心里明白，体内的自己已经不是17，8 岁的自己。。。
我防备之心比任何人都强，哪个人一有苗头不对，或图怀不轨。。我总是退避三舍。。。
知心朋友来来去去都是那几个。。甚至有些从姐妹变到现在连电话都不打的陌生人。。
曾经， 自己把朋友看得比什么都还重要，弄得自己总是伤痕累累。。。也加重了朋友的负担。。
经过了这些风风雨雨，不再执着于朋友这两字。。。大家偶尔能谈笑风生， 已经足够了。。。